that's an amazing point. i will think on first.

This post was deleted by Amy

i felt that i was being a little too vulnerable in that last post, so i deleted it.

yes, i hate the word!

vulnerable, adj, 1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt physcially or emotionally. 2. susceptible to temptation or corrupt influence. 3. open to or defenseless against criticism or moral attack. 4. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend. 5. having won one of the games of a rubber of bridge.

(the last one is weird. explanations?)

so it's understandable that one might be guarded about discussing their areas of vulnerability. it's like revealing your weak links to a possible enemy-army.

but that said, i do know what i mean. there's no way to feel without letting go.

On 'beauty', I would like to share this observation by Annie Dillard, writer/philosopher/naturalist, who wrote, on seeing a mocking bird drop from a building roof:

" The mockingbird took a single step into the air and dropped. His wings were still folded against his
sides as though he were singing from a limb and not falling, accelerating thirty-two feet per second,
through empty air. Just a breath before he would have been dashed to the ground, he unfurled his
wings with exact, deliberate care, revealing the broad bars of white, spread his elegant,
white-banded tail, and so floated onto the grass. I had just rounded a corner when his insouciant
step caught my eye; there was no one else in sight. The fact of his free fall was like the old
philosophical conundrum about the tree that falls in the forest. The answer must be, I think, that
beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try
to be there. "

There's a kind of vulnerability in that, don't you think...?

i wonder if vulnerability is really the word for what you're talking about, in light of its definition. i think maybe you're talking about openness, genuineness and the willingness to be vulnerable.

i've always had that. as a kid i was teased mercilessly because i cried. this was not fun or empowering in anyway.

as an adult, like a kid, i have an inability to conceal my emotions - i'm transparent. my father is the same way. he can be at a dressy dinner party and if he's upset, it's written all over his face. in this sense, i guess i'm thinking of vulnerabilty as a lack of guardedness. or maybe i'm talking about being over-emotional? ruled by one's emotions. i've always been accused of being "vulnerable." but even moreso, i was told that i was "too sensitive."

i remember once i was starting a relationship with someone and the guy said, "can i be trusted with your vulnerability?" he couldn't.

but on the positive side, a childhood friend of mine once told me that i helped her to be more open with her emotions, that she had no model for this from her family who would simply erupt and then brush everything under the carpet. in my family, we fought but we tried to resolve, said we were sorry, listened (even after initially stomping out the door) - no matter how drawn out and dramatic it was, since we were all vulnerable and sensitive i guess.

that last part is weird to say since i never thought of my entire family as that way, but i think they are.

marklar, it's your turn to lay it on the line. i turn your question on you now.